Keith Egging’s Last Email

From Keith Egging:

This will be Keith Egging’s last email. Every 90 minutes someone acquires ALS. Every 90 minutes someone dies from ALS. I guess it was my turn…..

So, not to offend the Political Correct Police, you can choose the ones that works best for you. Keith Egging…

__ Passed   

__ Died  

__ Went to be with the ___________(Fill in the blank of a deity of your choice, or one that you assume would be my choice.)

__ Croaked

__ Kicked the bucket

__ Expired 

__ Perished   

__ Passed on  

__ Bit the big one

__ Completed his pre-scheduled usefulness

__ Got his factory recall notice

__ Ran out of sunsets

__ Used up his 2,280,036,600 seconds

__ Went to Hell in a handbasket 

__ Nature took its course

__ Went to be with the angels. (Click the following link for proof.) 

__ Rode off into the sunset on a unicorn

__ Other ____________________________________

Select up to three choices.

Keith

Or, just I borrowed your ___________ and forgot to give it back. Sorry about that.

Apart from the horrific death sentence that comes with having ALS, all in all, I have had a pretty wonderful and blessed life. Most of you played a portion in it. Maybe I knew you all my life, or maybe just met you, or somewhere in between. Whatever, we crossed paths in life and you probably meant a lot to me.

So, from the bottom of my heart and soul, thank you for being a part of the tapestry that was my life. May the rest of your life consume all the joy and love it can possibly contain.

BUT WAIT!

THAT’S NOT ALL!

For once in a lifetime, while supplies last, and for a limited only! You can get your own personal hermetically sealed tube of my ashes in a ½” in diameter and about 5” long of pure crystal glass. YES, this is a real offer!

As many of you may know, I’m giving my body to science, or as my wife says, “science fiction.” Whatever. When they are done with it a few months later, what’s leftover will be cremated and the cremains returned to Ruthie to be put into “Keith FunTubes.”

Open it up and spread it on your rose bed and let my nutrients do all the hard work.

Got a place on the fireplace mantel that’s just begging for something unique?

Run out of Powdered Rhino Horn? I’m the next best thing!

Attach me to a weather balloon? Why not?

Go for a ride in your drone, boat, rocket or model airplane? Would love to!

Sell me on eBay? Find the right Oil Rich Sheik. Who knows what I can go for?

Going SCUBA diving? Bring some of me to open underwater or wedge my tube in the coral.

Someone special getting married? I’d love to be there! After all, I’m good luck powder!

Traveling someplace exotic? Take and leave me there.

A tall antenna? Sure!

The opportunities are just too numerous to mention! Have fun kids!

You will need to contact my wife Ruthie at her email… [email protected]…And say “Put me down for one of those “Keith FunTubes” (Nominal shipping charges may apply.)

Remember… first come, first served.

…Until we meet again.